Listening is the ability to accurately receive messages in the communication process.
Listening is key to all effective communication, without the ability
to listen effectively messages are easily misunderstood – communication
breaks down and the sender of the message can easily become frustrated
or irritated.
Listening is so important that many top employers give regular
listening skills training for their employees. This is not surprising
when you consider that
good listening skills can lead to:
better customer satisfaction, greater productivity with fewer mistakes,
increased sharing of information that in turn can lead to more
creative and innovative work.
Good listening skills also have benefits in our personal lives,
including: a greater number of friends and social networks, improved
self-esteem and confidence, higher grades in academic work and increased
health and wellbeing. Studies have shown that, whereas speaking
raises blood pressure, listening brings it down.
Listening is not the same as hearing.
Hearing refers to the sounds that you hear, whereas listening requires
more than that: it requires focus. Listening means paying attention
not only to the story, but how it is told, the use of language and
voice, and how the other person uses his or her body. In other words,
it means being aware of both verbal and non-verbal messages. Your
ability to listen effectively depends on the degree to which you
perceive and understand these messages.
“
The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is
to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give
each other is our attention.” Rachel Naomi Remen
We spend a lot of our time listening
Adults spend an average of 70% of their time engaged in some sort of
communication, of this an average of 45% is spent listening compared to
30% speaking, 16% reading and 9% writing. (Adler, R. et al. 2001).
Based on the research of: Adler, R., Rosenfeld,
L. and Proctor, R. (2001) Interplay: the process of interpersonal
communicating (8th edn), Fort Worth, TX: Harcourt.
A good listener will listen not only to what is being said, but also to what is left unsaid or only partially said.
Listening involves observing body language and noticing
inconsistencies between verbal and non-verbal messages. For example, if
someone tells you that they are happy with their life but through
gritted teeth or with tears filling their eyes, you should consider
that the verbal and non-verbal messages are in conflict, they maybe
don't mean what they say. Listening requires you to concentrate and use
your other senses in addition to simply hearing the words spoken.
Listening is not the same as hearing and in order to listen effectively you need to use more than just your ears.
1. Stop Talking
“
If we were supposed to talk more than we listen, we would have two tongues and one ear.” Mark Twain.
Don't talk, listen. When somebody else is talking listen to what they
are saying, do not interrupt, talk over them or finish their sentences
for them. Stop, just listen. When the other person has finished
talking you may need to clarify to ensure you have received their
message accurately.
2. Prepare Yourself to Listen
Relax. Focus
on the speaker. Put other things out of mind. The human mind is
easily distracted by other thoughts – what’s for lunch, what time do I
need to leave to catch my train, is it going to rain – try to put other
thoughts out of mind and concentrate on the messages that are being
communicated.
3. Put the Speaker at Ease
Help the speaker to feel free to speak. Remember
their needs and concerns. Nod or use other gestures or words to
encourage them to continue. Maintain eye contact but don’t stare –
show you are listening and understanding what is being said.
4. Remove Distractions
Focus on what is being said: don’t doodle, shuffle papers, look out
the window, pick your fingernails or similar. Avoid unnecessary
interruptions. These behaviours disrupt the listening process and send
messages to the speaker that you are bored or distracted.
5. Empathise
Try to understand the other person’s point of view. Look at issues
from their perspective. Let go of preconceived ideas. By having an
open mind we can more fully empathise with the speaker. If the
speaker says something that you disagree with then wait and construct an
argument to counter what is said but keep an open mind to the views
and opinions of others. (See another page:
What is Empathy?)
6. Be Patient
A pause, even a long pause, does not necessarily mean that the speaker
has finished. Be patient and let the speaker continue in their own
time, sometimes it takes time to formulate what to say and how to say
it. Never interrupt or finish a sentence for someone.
7. Avoid Personal Prejudice
Try to be impartial. Don't become irritated and
don't let the person’s habits or mannerisms distract you from what they
are really saying. Everybody has a different way of speaking - some
people are for example more nervous or shy than others, some have
regional accents or make excessive arm movements, some people like to
pace whilst talking - others like to sit still. Focus on what is being
said and try to ignore styles of delivery.
8. Listen to the Tone
Volume and tone both add to what someone is saying. A good speaker
will use both volume and tone to their advantage to keep an audience
attentive; everybody will use pitch, tone and volume of voice in
certain situations – let these help you to understand the emphasis of
what is being said. (See another page on
Effective Speaking for more)
9. Listen for Ideas – Not Just Words
You need to get the whole picture, not just isolated bits and
pieces. Maybe one of the most difficult aspects of listening is the
ability to link together pieces of information to reveal the ideas of
others. With proper concentration, letting go of distractions, and
focus this becomes easier.
10. Wait and Watch for Non-Verbal Communication
Gestures, facial expressions, and eye-movements can all be
important. We don’t just listen with our ears but also with our eyes –
watch and pick up the additional information being transmitted via
non-verbal communication. (See another page on
non-verbal communication)
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